To Forgive or Not to Forgive

That is the question...

During the Super Bowl festivities here in the U.S., I helped set out the plates and snacks for everyone in the house. I even set out an extra plate for a roommate I'm not too fond of and told the landlord I did in passing. As we were getting the table set up, I said, "I learned I don't have to like the people I live with, I just have to learn how to live with them." She, in turn, made a comment of, "You're not a forgiving person, are you?" to which I replied, "Not really." She then replied with, "That's too bad," and I shrugged off her comment.

Then I started thinking...is it necessary to forgive each and every act? Are there some things that can't be forgiven?

Now, without going into full detail, my roommate...I'll call him White Gold since he looks exactly like him...has disrespected both me and my fiancee, and also my landlord. Now my landlord is quick to forgive because all she sees are dollar signs. But as someone who has to live and share space with WG, I'm not so quick.

Forgiveness works differently on everyone. For some, it takes a matter of seconds. For others, it can take years. For me? It really depends. Some things just aren't forgivable, no matter the person and circumstance. Other things, it's not even an issue. However, the moment blatant disrespect comes into play, all bets are off. And I'm one of those people who feel once I've been disrespected, that's it, buddy. You're officially dead to me.

Does it make me a bad person if I don't forgive each and every thing? No. It just means I don't have a tolerance of being treated like crap whenever the mood is suited to another person. I believe everyone is allowed one fuck-up. The one moment where you can blame alcohol, stupidity, whatever for what you did. But anything past that....partner, that's all you and nothing but.

There's a difference between letting something slide by and being a doormat. Unfortunately, my landlord doesn't know the difference and I doubt at her age she ever will. Judging by what she let the past tenants get away with, it's clear she's only looking through cracked rose-colored glasses. How is her MO of being passive-aggressive any different than me coming out and saying it? At least I'm being honest and putting it out on front street. With her? Not so much.

In short, forgiveness is not something that's easily attained and people often go to therapy to work on their forgiveness issues. Just because you're quick to do it, doesn't mean everyone else should follow suit. It takes time. And when I'm ready to forgive WG, I'll know it and in turn, let him know it.

But for now, it's best we don't cross paths.