What in the Lonely Girl Hell?

So this past weekend I picked up an issue of Cosmopolitan from my roommate. She somehow got in the mail and she passed onto me. Now when I was younger (say about my early 20s), I used to read Cosmo like it was the Bible. Every tip, every message, every article I memorized and had it tattooed on my brain.



And then I stopped reading. Maybe it was lack of interest of just didn't want to pay the subscription fee. But nevertheless, I hadn't picked up a Cosmo in years.



This past weekend changed that.



I picked up one. I carefully browsed through the pages as my fiancee looked on. I couldn't believe some of the shit they were spewing. 100 non-verbal guy signs? What does he really mean when he says X?



Are they serious?



First of all, I wonder if some of the tips were bullshit. If he does X, you should do Y. Now how many girls actually read Cosmo and thought if they followed the tips to a tee, Mr. Prince Charming was going to come through their door at any minute? Like, really?

Now I know Cosmo's target age group is 18-25 year olds. I get that. But some of the people who do work at Cosmo seriously need their heads examined.

That's all. Rant over.

Valentine's Day--Schmalintine's Day

I never really understood the point of Valentine's Day. Really.

It's like one day to prove your love and devotion to someone...along with millions of other people in the world. Like, really?

Now I'm a realist. I think you should celebrate Valentine's Day every day. I don't mean going all out and spending hundreds of dollars on candy, roses, and limos. Nah. I mean, show your partner and/or loved one every day how much they mean to you. It could be a phone call, a nice dinner, etc. It doesn't have to be grand. Little things mean the most.

So this year (just like every other year), I'm boycotting Valentine's Day. Yeah, I have a special someone but the stress of trying to make a nice Valentine's Day wasn't and isn't worth the heartache. I rather save my money for something nicer.

A Change Has Come

This morning, for the first time in several weeks, I woke up early. Real early. Extra early.

I woke up about 5 AM when normally I don't pry myself out of bed until 7, at the earliest. But today I had to get up early. I just had to.

It's not every day you see a Black man being sworn in as President of the United States.

Immediately, I got my knees and prayed. I prayed for Barack, Michelle, Sasha and Malia. I prayed for my country, the United States. I prayed for my grandparents, who were shining down on Barack at this moment. (I bet there's one helluva party in Heaven right now.)

I prayed for everyone witnessing this historic and miraculous event. I prayed for everyone who couldn't.

I have to admit, the ice Princess in me was overcome with joy and I just started crying. I mean, tears were pouring down my cheeks as I was just overcome with such joy. 8 years of terror was finally over. A new era was finally beginning.

God is good. God is good.

The changes won't happen overnight and President Obama (feels so good to say that!) has said that and made it pretty abundantly clear. But a change has come.

Amen to that.

The Power Player

Over the holidays, Rae made peace with Dave’s daughters. She personally apologized to them for causing hurt and everything was back to normal. Well, back to normal as it could be. The girls were often at Rae’s home for movie night and often filled her in the escapades their father was going through. Cianna, Elani and Kaira tried to play matchmaker but Rae remained single. She had enough drama in her life.

On her lone day off, Rae decided to take a stroll in the park. Reminiscing on her life and how it turned out, Rae took time to feed the ducks. She listened to the squawking, occasionally breaking out into a smile. The broken relationship with Dave was a nagging feeling in her gut, but Rae was overall happy. Things are pretty damn good right now.

“Good afternoon, Beautiful,” Dave said as he stood beside her.

Rae was too concentrated on feeding the ducks to notice Dave walk up beside her. She smiled at him and continued to feed the ducks. “Beautiful day,” she commented.

“It is,” he replied.

The one thing Rae hated more than anything was the feeling Dave created in the pit of her stomach. He could merely stand beside her and all she thought about was how many positions he could twist her body in. It was torturous, overwhelming, delicious, intoxicating, and beautiful at the same time.

She hated him for it. She was in love with him because of it.

But that was during another time and place in her life. Since their breakup, things have turned for the worse but were slowly creeping on getting better. Dave and Rae maintained a cordial and professional relationship, while Dave continued to date others. Rae, meanwhile, was focused on getting Randy a date of his own.

“So what’s going on, Rae?” Dave asked, hoping to break any awkward feeling between the two. “What’s been happening in the life of Rae?”

“Nothing much, same ol’ stuff. Kinda like the saying, ‘same shit, different day.’” she smiled, “what about you? How is the world of David Bautista?”

“The world of David Bautista is chaotic,” he grinned, “I’m sure you know that Tracy is getting remarried so I have nothing but wedding planning going on in my house with the girls being over. Absolutely no peace and quiet in my house. But I wouldn’t want any other way.”

Dave glanced over to his ex. With her hair pulled tightly in a ponytail and her light make up sun kissing her face, Dave admired how beautiful Rae looked. While his current girlfriend had to spend what felt like hours on her hair and makeup, Rae was content on just having some lip gloss, mascara and blush. “You look amazing.” He admired.

Rae smiled and blushed slightly. “Thank you.”

Rae turned her attention to a nearby playground. She watched various children playing in the park and seeing the small fights erupt over swings, sandcastles and makeshift armies. She always imagined that one day her and Dave would have a child of their own, preferably a boy so Dave would at least have an even playing field with the girls.

She secretly hoped that things would work out between them but she wasn’t getting her hopes up. With Dave sporting a new girlfriend on his arm, Rae concluded that she would just have to settle for messing up the best relationship in her life. She was grateful they were at least friendly towards each other, if that was only it.

Still, the awkward silence between them was deafening. Something heavy was on their minds and both were too apprehensive to be the first to say anything. Wanting to break the forever silence and leave what was left of their relationship on a good note, Rae stood up. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around,” she said before walking off.

Dave watched her walk away. He was going to let her go about her merry way until something stirred inside him to stop her. “Rachel, wait.”

Rae stopped and contemplated about turning around. The last time she was in this position, she was chasing Dave in a parking lot. It was a memory she didn’t want to repeat anytime soon—or ever, for that fact. Hesitantly, she turned around. “Yeah?”

Dave approached her and stood just merely inches from her. “It was good seeing you,” he said.

“It was good seeing you, too, David,” she grinned. She turned and started to walk away again until Dave grabbed her. She turned again. “Yes?”

“What do you want?”

“I want you to let go of my arm,” she teased.

Dave smiled and released his grip from Rae’s arm. “You know what I meant, Rachel.”

Rae bit her bottom lip and sighed. “I want to have a career, David. I want to get married and have babies. I want…I want…”

“You want?”

“Us. I want us, David,” she finally admitted, “but I can’t have us and I’m okay with that.”

“Are you?” He questioned.

Rae nodded. She knew she wasn’t okay with it. She was far fucking from being okay with it. But he couldn’t know that. Not now. Not ever. “I am.”

“I’m not,” he replied.

“Huh?” She asked. Rae felt she needed Dave to hold her again so she wouldn’t lose her balance and crumble to a heap on the floor. “What are you saying, David?”

Dave grabbed Rae’s left hand and kissed it. “Can we talk at my place? Or yours, if you feel comfortable enough.”

Was it really just a talk? Or did Dave want something more involving a box of condoms? Rae wasn’t sure but she wasn’t going to let an opportunity slip past her again. “Your place is fine,” she smiled.

#

Randy Orton doesn’t do dates. He just doesn’t. He either fucks and gets off or well, that’s about it.

So the moment he was talked into a date by his best friend, Randy knew it wasn’t a good look. It meant spending time with some bimbo he’d forget the next hour. It meant spending money he could be saving and investing in another account.

It meant he was wasting his time and it wasn’t a sure bet he was going to get ass. Fuckin’ great!

Rae handpicked the restaurant and chose the set-up. She also made sure she was nowhere available or within the vicinity of said date. She already knew what was going to happen. She didn’t want to be a victim to a potential murder.

Nevertheless, Randy waited impatiently as watched the clock tick on his Blackberry. His date was going to show up at any minute and his patience was getting the best of him. Rae owes me one helluva blow job for this bullshit.

“Why the fuck are you here?” A loud and familiar voice shouted.

Randy calmly looked up and saw one Mickie James before him. “I’m sorry, the Weight Watchers meeting is down the street,” he glanced down at his Blackberry again, “you can still make the first weigh-in if you hustle.”

“Real cute, limp dick bastard,” Mickie smiled, “I guess all the Viagra in the world can’t cure your growing stupidity.”

“Yeah, I would have to be pretty fuckin’ stupid to fuck you,” Randy glanced again at his Blackberry, “now, if you would excuse me, Shamu, I have a date.”

“Oh? Who’s the poor bimbo?”

“Someone fun, curvy, sexy…you know, the type of woman you could never be,” Randy smiled.

“Randy, trust me,” Mickie leaned over the table, “even if you were the last guy on planet fuckin’ Earth, I would gladly start eating pink tacos instead of sucking your herpes-infested dick.”

“Ouch.”

“Checkmate,” Mickie grinned. She took out her cell phone and dialed Rae. “Hey girl. Yeah, I’m at the restaurant. Where is this fool? What? He’s wearing a blue shirt, blue jeans, and a black blazer?” Mickie looked around and tried to find her date. “I don’t see…” She then made contact with Randy, who was wearing exactly what Rae had described. “…oh shit.”

I think I'm in love...

...with writing, again.

I spent last night plotting and mapping out characters like I used to a few years ago. And I totally forgot how much fun it was to be holed up in my room, racking my brain and acting out scenes. Yeah, it's a little schizophrenic of me, but we all have a little crazy in us.

Last year I did a lot of talking and quite frankly, it was way too much talking. This year, my approach is different. A few weeks ago I swore I was going to give myself a life makeover--body, finances, appearance, etc. It was only fitting that my writing had the same makeover.

The difference is now I have two people who got my back. My wonderful fiancee', Max, and my good friend, Bernard. Bernard is the same position as me...he's trying to get his business off the ground as well. It's good to have someone who understands what you're going through and doesn't look at you like you're nuts. Max is just a blessing in disguise. I couldn't be happier asking for such a wonderful soul. He's truly my heart.

Alright, I think I embarrassed both guys a bit much now. But it feels so good to be so passionate and in love with your work.

It's a beautiful thing.

Character Diary--The Family--Nevaeh

You know, I really have no idea what I’m doing. Real talk.

I always think of these crazy ideas and never had the audacity to act on them, you know? Well, now I acted on one but I’m still not sure what I’m doing. All I know is that I need to get even with that bastard, Edge. That’s all I know. Everything else, I’ll figure out later.

I’ve known about what Edge did to my parents for a while now. My grandma, Steffie (okay I’m not allowed to call her that, but you get my drift), told me when I was a little Naya. She knew my parents, as much as I love them, would never say a word to me so she filled me in all the details. She also told me the story about Kimberly, my dad’s old girlfriend who I was named after.

I knew who Edge was the moment I saw him. He’s so easy to point out. All you gotta do is find the evil and oh, look…there’s Edge.

Now, I’m not going to lie. He’s cute. Hell, he’s hot! But he’s wicked and corrupt. Somewhere along the line, something happened to Edge’s mind and he’s pretty much messed up for life. And I know the one thing he’s been wanting forever was to control the vampircal world. But in order for him to do that, he would have to get the one thing that means more to anyone.

Yours Truly.

The length my parents and the Family has gone to protect me is something out of the Secret Service. I was always protected and I never went anywhere without someone watching me. But as you know, parents can’t watch you all time now, so I plotted my escape and attack.

And sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision.

My parents are forgiving people. Their motto is, ‘Don’t start none, won’t be none.’ But I’m not so forgiving. The torture Edge and his little minions put my family through was more than enough. My parents may let it go and move on, but I won’t.

So here I am. I ruined my relationship and broke my parents’ hearts, but I need to do this for my family. For The Family. All I know is Edge has no idea what I’m capable of and I want to keep it that way.

I just hope my parents forgive me one day.

Blow by Blow---Character Diary---Sam

So you’re probably wondering what the hell am I thinking? Am I really turning myself into a whore? Is that really happening?

Well, yes and no.

I’ve known about Randy’s cheating for years. Did you honestly think that he’ll be on the road for days, sometimes weeks at a time and not slip up? Please. I knew it; I just didn’t want to believe it. But the moment I found Maria’s—excuse me, Shae’s number in his cell phone…that was it!

Randy’s lied to me plenty of times before. The problem then was I never caught him in a lie, even though I knew he was. And worse yet, that whore-slut Maria wasn’t woman enough to tell me what was up. For Christ’s sake…you’re fucking my fiancée and you’re not telling me? Instead you’re going to teach me some goddamn sex lessons? Are you fucking kidding me? I know I can play stupid well, but Jesus Christ, give me some goddamn credit.

But I wanted to understand what in the fuck Randal was thinking about when he cheated on me and ruined our home with some whore…so I became one.

You should’ve seen the look on Maria’s face the moment I walked in. It was a beautiful sight. It was like she saw a ghost. Her mouth had to have been hanging wide open for a good 5 minutes. But then again, she’s used to doing that.

I have to admit, I’m getting a little pleasure on getting payback. I know she’s uncomfortable and I know she’s squirming on the inside. And that, I have to admit, makes me a bit tingly.
How long do I plan on doing this? Until I prove a point. Do I really plan on sleeping with other guys for money? We’ll see. But I will tell you this…what I’m doing is just the tip of the iceberg for little Maria. What goes around comes around.

And what she doesn’t know is I still have John’s number on my speed dial…

New Thing I'm Starting

Hello out there!

A while back, I said I was going to do some funky things with this blog...incorporate bits of pieces of my real life and my writing life. Well, I'm going to incorporate some of those funky things now.

Starting soon...I'm going to do character diaries...getting into the mindset of my characters so you can get a deeper feel of them. This is something kinda cool and was actually recommended to me. With several characters to choose from, this blog will get even more interesting....

Stay tuned...the first character will make an appearance tonight. And let me tell you...that person has a lot of explaining to do....

Everyone Has a Price IV Full Chapter

In fairytales, there was always a happily ever after. It was always assumed the prince and the princess went off to have many children and live in a big palace for the rest of their lives.

Yeah, no one ever told the princess she’d be a housewife scrubbing that goddamn palace and wondering why in the fuck he needs all those rooms? Victoria quipped.

When Victoria was a little girl, she wanted a big family. With just her and three brothers, she always thought there weren’t enough brothers and sisters for everyone. Six, she thought. Six would be an even number. Three boys and three girls. They would all get along and she would have a happy family.

How young and naïve she was. Everyone said having multiple pregnancies would make the birthing process easier. They clearly didn’t know Victoria. It seemed with each pregnancy became more difficult. Just when she was used to something in another pregnancy, it was thrown out the window with the next one. Cravings were different. Moods were topsy-turvy. It was always too hot. It was never cold enough.

But the pain Victoria was experiencing was above and beyond than her previous two. She honestly thought she was going to die. She dilated quicker than expected and before she knew it, the handy epidural she depended on from her last two pregnancies was no longer an option. The pain came again as soon as it subsided. There weren’t enough ice chips in the world to take the edge off of being stabbed in her uterus every two minutes.

Worse yet, Dave was nowhere to be found. He met Victoria at the hospital but quietly disappeared after hour three. He said he needed some air. Victoria called bullshit. She knew that asshole husband of hers wanted to be far and away from her as possible. She got real ugly and wasn’t holding back anything. He went from being a loving and wonderful hubby to a Class-A dickwad in just under 4 seconds. And that was only in the first hour.

Bracing herself for yet another contraction, Victoria clinched her eyes tight and tried her best not to push despite the aching feeling of wanting to. Only dilated 8 centimeters, she still had a long goal from the glorious number of 10.

That’s it. No more goddamn kids.

------------------------------------------------------
“In just a little while, you’re going to be a big sister.” Dave smiled.

Leilani Batista held tightly to her Dora the Explorer doll. She had a puzzled look on her cherub face. She was pretty accustomed to being the youngest one. If Zavier was being mean to her, it was certain he was going to get a spanking if she told on him. If she cried, Daddy took her out for ice cream. If she threw a tantrum, she got a spanking from Mommy.

But if she ratted out her parents, she got money from Grandma.

For months, Dave and Victoria went through great lengths to explain to their daughter what was happening. From videos and pop-out books, the pair thought their daughter understood why her mommy’s tummy was getting bigger. But the precocious child didn’t pay any attention to what was taught her. Whenever she saw Victoria, she merely asked why she was getting fat.

Standing in front of her father in the hospital waiting room, Leilani was confused. Her eyes squinted and forehead furrowed. If a new baby was coming, what was going to happen to her and her brother? Most importantly, where was her “other” brother, Christopher, going to go?

“Where is Zavier going to go?” She asked in her small child voice.

Dave was confused. “What do you mean, Carus?”

“Where is Zavier going to go?” She repeated in her small voice, “where are we going to put Zavier?”

Dave shook his head. Leilani thought someone had to leave the house to make room for the newest addition. He couldn’t help but to smile at her innocence. “Zavier isn’t going anywhere, Carus.”

“Oh,” she looked down at the ground, hoping to get an answer. She then looked back up at her father, “so where am I going to go?”

“You’re not going anywhere, either, baby.”

“And Christopher?” Leilani clutched her doll, “where’s Christopher going to go?”

Back home to his damn parents. Christopher spent so much time at the Batista home, he shared a room with Zavier. As much as Dave wanted a house full of children—mainly his—he knew that was equivalent to a prostitute becoming a minister.“Christopher isn’t going anywhere, Carus,” Dave reassured.

“Oh,” the young girl scrunched her nose again, “can I go play with Uncle Jamal now?”

“Yes, go play now, baby,” he answered.

“Dave,” Chris beckoned him, “Tori needs you.”

Dave immediately rushed inside Victoria’s delivery room where his wife was a calming force of strength. She was at peace and breathing heavily as she collected her thoughts. Her legs were on the stirrups, her face was relaxed as she inhaled and exhaled slowly. It was moments like that made Dave move in love with his wife than before.

“Alrighty,” Chris said as he sat down before Victoria, “are we ready to get this show on the road?”

“Take…it…out.” Victoria smiled.

“I’m assuming that’s a yes,” Chris smiled, “Tori, you know the drill—push only when I tell you to. Dave, just keep her away from any sharp objects, alright?”

Victoria looked over at Dave. Being in labor reminded her how much she hated her husband at the moment. “No…. more…damn…kids…” Victoria breathed.

“I concur,” he agreed.

Victoria pulled Dave’s collar next to her face. “I mean it, goddamnit. If you don’t get snipped within the next few hours, Lorena Bobbitt won’t have anything on Victoria Batista.”

“I know a urologist that’ll assist you, man,” Chris chimed in.

----------

“Should I expect any apology from you?”

“I’m sorry I called you a dickwad, an asshole, and a ball-less motherfucker,” Victoria admitted, “and I’m sorry for everything I said about Lorraine. She’s a good woman.”

Paul led the children ushered into Victoria’s hospital room, anxious to meet the newest arrival to the Batista family. Zavier was a splitting image of his father. Leilani was a mini-Victoria. But the features made Aiden David a definite Batista. He had a full head of soft black hair like his father. A smooth, mocha almond color like his mother. He resembled a little Buddha statue—peaceful and quiet. Weighing in at just over 7 pounds, Aiden completed the Batista household. Leilani was officially the princess. Zavier and Christopher had another playmate. Dave had another son to mold after him and Paul.

And Victoria was tired and hungry. She couldn’t decide if her draining sleep or panging hunger pains should be satisfied at the moment. She’ll celebrate her son’s birth later.

Zavier walked up to his father who was holding his little brother. He wanted to be impressed but wasn’t. It meant he had to share his toys with another child. His bargaining skills would definitely be put to use. “He looks like a chipmunk with those cheeks,” He said quietly.

“Wow!” Christopher exclaimed. “That came out of Aunt Tori? Holy crap!”

Paul lifted up Leilani so she could take a closer look at her younger brother. “He looks like a Glo-worm,” she studied his features, “does he turn on?”

All would be well for the Batista household for the next several years…that is, until the children became teenagers. One would become heir to the Batista-Levesque Estates. One would discover a hidden talent. One would become gay, eventually disappointing the father who will soon overcome his feelings.

And one will experience a life-altering event that will shake the very core of Victoria, Trish, Paul, and especially Dave. Nothing would ever be the same.

I will never leave Southern Cali...

For the sole purpose of I can enjoy 90 degree weather in January. What better way to sit out in the sun and post a something creative and great while the delicious heat strikes on my mocha almond skin. (Can't you tell I'm a writer?)

This post was absolutely useless, I'll admit. I just had to brag for a minute.

Everyone Has a Price IV

In fairytales, there is always a happily ever after. It was always assumed the prince and the princess went off to have many children and live in a big palace for the rest of their lives.

Yeah, no one ever told the princess she’d be a housewife scrubbing that goddamn palace and wondering why in the fuck he needs all those rooms? Victoria quipped.

When Victoria was a little girl, she said she wanted a big family. With just her and three brothers, she always thought there weren’t enough brothers and sisters for everyone. Six, she thought. Six would be an even number. Three boys and three girls. They would all get along and she would have a happy family.

How young and naïve she was. Everyone said having multiple pregnancies would make the birthing process easier. They clearly didn’t know Victoria.

It seemed with each pregnancy became more difficult. Just when she was used to something in another pregnancy, it was thrown out the window with the next one. Cravings were different. Moods were topsy-turvy. It was always too hot. It was never cold enough.

But the pain Victoria was experiencing was above and beyond than her previous two. She honestly thought she was going to die. She dilated quicker than she expected and before she knew it, the handy epidural she depended on from her last two pregnancies was no longer an option. The pain came again as soon as it subsided. There wasn’t enough ice chips in the world that would take the edge off of being stabbed in her uterus every two minutes.

Worse yet, Dave was nowhere to be found. He met Victoria at the hospital but quietly disappeared after hour three. He said he needed some air. Victoria called bullshit. She knew that asshole husband of hers wanted to be far and away from her as possible. She got real ugly and wasn’t holding back anything. He went from being a loving and wonderful hubby to a Class-A dickwad in just under 4 seconds. And that was only in the first hour.

Bracing herself for yet another contraction, Victoria clinched her eyes tight and tried her best not to push despite the aching feeling of wanting to. Only dilated 7 centimeters, she still had a long goal from the glorious number of 10.

That’s it. No more goddamn kids.

I Hate Newbies

Gym newbies. Seriously.

They make these ridiculous resolutions and damn well know they won't hold their end of the bargain by Februrary. While us 'veterans' are stuck sharing machines with people who probably haven't seen a gym in 30 years.

Idiots.

So even last night when working out at 9:30 PM, I was still crowded by all the influx of newbies. But I parked myself at the weight machines with the guys. The bodybuilders. They're actually really nice and super sweet (they probably wouldn't like me calling them that!) and were there for the same purpose I was there: get the maximum workout in the shortest time possible.

I *heart* the gym. It's definitely my home away from home.

The Rose-Colored Glasses Effect

I'm currently suffering from this.

You know how you give people benefit of the doubt and yet they still disappoint you? Well, that's what I'm experiencing.

It seems no matter how much I try to see the good in people, someone disappoints me. And honestly, it's my own damn fault. Really, it is. I keep putting these people on pedastals and practically worship them like they can't do any wrong. So when they do wrong, I feel like I was lead on...believing in something that probably never existed.

And I keep asking myself, why? Why do I do this? Why? What happened in my past life to treat everyone like royalty when clearly they're not?

The answer is a scary one...I don't know.

So my question is when do I take off the rose-colored glasses or do I leave them on? Do I complain and cause a ruckus? Do I stay obedient and not say anything?

Hmm...I think I might have figured out an answer. They always say the hardest decisions are the best ones. I guess I have to give this a shot and see what happens...